Raccoons

So, I realize that this will seem like one of those crazy stories that just can't be true, they're too unreal.

BUT THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

It was Halloween. Meaning last night. My friend Hailey was coming over to watch a couple movies and eat candy. That was the extent of my Halloween plans. We had no trick or treaters, it kind of sucked. But that's not part of this story.

There was this raccoon that used to always come to our living room window and just sit there on the patio, watching us. We all felt so terrible for these raccoons because they were giving us the puppy dog eyes better than an actual puppy dog. So one night, my mom fed this raccoon.

Then a few nights later, it came back. WITH THREE OTHER RACCOONS. My mom fed them all eggs. I guess they like eggs. They basically just crack it open in one spot and then suck the egg out. My mom kept feeding them eggs whenever they came back.

At one point during the night of Halloween, she actually said "The raccoons haven't been back in a while. I'm worried about them. I wonder what happened to those other three," etc, blah blah blah.

Then I saw the raccoon. So I got the eggs. I fed it two. We just open the sliding door a little bit and roll the eggs out to these raccoons, usually. I did this. The raccoon gratefully ate these eggs. Then I was putting the eggs away and my mum said that two usually wasn't enough, this raccoon would always eat three eggs. So I took another one out and went back to the living room. After the raccoon ate those two eggs, it came to stand by the sliding glass door.

Just staring. So I figured it was time for its third egg.

I opened the sliding glass door to roll this next egg out to the raccoon, and IT FREAKING BIT ME!

I mean, whatever happened to the expression "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" ?

Maybe that's where it came from. Anyways. I kicked the egg out at it and slammed the door.

Hailey was laughing because I kept saying "The raccoon bit me."

Then I went into the kitchen where my mom and Joe still were and I told them that this raccoon bit me. So my mum took me into the bathroom and kept pouring peroxyde on it. Then she went onto the patio where this freaking raccoon was just calmly eating this third egg (THE AUDACITY!)

And she chased it off, yelling that no raccoon got away with biting her daughter, and the like.

Then Hailey proceeded to make raccoon jokes for the rest of her stay.

Still... Best. Halloween. Ever.